Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
