A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
