Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
