remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
