You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the liver wants what the liver wants
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
