I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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