So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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