I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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