why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
