Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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