so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
