Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
