I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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