loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
