is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
