i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We just shotgunned beers for America
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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