i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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