He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
