angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
