tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
