She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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