allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
