we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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