does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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