I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
