The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
