god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
