You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
