i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
