this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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