im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
