My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This house was built for laser tag.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
