He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
