Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
