youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I checked into jail on foursquare
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
