So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
