The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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