its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
