Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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