I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
