Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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