I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
