And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Barsexuality is the new black.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
