You really coming over, don't trick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
