there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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