He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
