I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
