i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
