after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
