Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
