that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
