that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
