3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
